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I picture him sort of like Will Ferrell in Old School

Annihinfect (Whenever this creature attacks, defending player sacrifices a permanent for each poison counter they have.) Kozilek's first ability will resolve before Kozilek does

Whenever a creature deals combat damage to you, remove a point counter from this artifact

Flayer of Loyalties is a very eldrazi take on a Threaten effect, stealing their best thing for a turn, and giving it a very tentacly upgrade

Then you just pay one red and tap Hobgoblin Bandit Lord to blast an opponent for all that damage at once

(Assassins, Mercenaries, Pirates, Rogues, and Warlocks are outlaws.) Draw a card